Auburn at Arkansas
Punxsutawney Hugh and his East Alabama Felines head to the Ozarks to take on Evel Knievel and his Spiked Piggies. The good news today is this Spiked Piggy D is easier to score on than Debbie...the one from Dallas. The bad news is, the Felines couldn't score in Aladdin's Castle with unlimited tokens. The matchup to watch is whether the Feline D can hold up against one of the elite play-callers and motorcycle enthusiasts in college football. The defense has kept the Felines in every game this year, but Evel Knievel is auditioning for this Pulled Pork job....a second chance at jumping the Snake River Canyon if you will. I have heard that we are "close". What we are close to, I have no idea. I wish I knew what to tell you guys anymore. It's been as confusing as what Lisa turned Chet into. That's nasty, Wyatt. Anyway, you know me...Barn?...Ride or Die!!!
Patrick's Loser...Arkansas by 13
Alabama at South Carolina
Boss Hogg loads up the big white Cadillac and takes his Fat Pink Pachyderms east to take on the Palmetto State Chickens. These Fowl have been as bad as a Frank Cross-endorsed Scrooge promo. They have their coach squarely on the hot seat. Can they pull the upset? Well, they'd better hope for an actual Sandstorm to help them out, because this Red Algae Bloom Wave offense has been lighting up the scoreboard like a pinball machine. This game will go a lot like female mud wrestlers facing Dewey Oxburger in the ring....these Chickens have no chance. BRAVO COMPANY!!!
Patrick's Loser...South Carolina by 24
Ole Miss at Oklahoma
Joey Freshwater takes his Rebel Black Bear Sharks along the Trail of Tears to face Maleficent's Covered Wagons. Joey all but accused the Wagons of sign-stealing. These accusations are coming from a guy who was probably Bill Cosby's wingman on White Claw Wednesday. (Editor: I believe Patrick is warning against the Jello shots.) I can always tell when Joey has been over at my house...the toilet is never flushed and the cat's pregnant. Seriously, in a normal year, I would say both of these teams are fraudulent. This year I really think about 20 teams that could win the Natty. That being said, elite offensive playcaller against sign stealing, I mean, great defense coach. Who wins? Joey heads home with another loss and a wake-up call to get out of Oxford if he wants to win a natty.....but, he may stay in Oxford for the hot yoga. Namaste....must mean mid.
Patrick's Loser...Ole Miss by 4
Mizzou at Vanderbilt
Lewis Skolnick and his Show Me Kats, after getting an early Christmas gift from Punxsutawney Hugh, head to the Music City to take on Dora the Explorer's Cousin and the rest of Lionel Ritchie's Boys. Lionel Ritchie's Boys have been a 'Brick House' on defense this year, and, although he's been doing a lot of flexing, Dora's Cousin has been more of a leader than someone putting up Heisman-like numbers. The kid is a winner, but just because you have been in school so long, you played for John Heisman...doesn't mean you need to be striking Heisman poses. Just concentrate on that AARP NIL money...him and TJ Finley...and 'Sail On'. Lionel's Boys will score once, twice...'Three Times a Lady'...because I think Skolnick's Tri-Lambs are as fake as RuPaul's hair.... M...I...NOPE!
Patrick's Loser...Missouri by 10
Other Games:
-Orange Julius gets stung by Nerd Bees and heads to the Varsity for late lunch.
Patrick's Loser...Syracuse by 6
-Fightin' Teddy Ruxpins get stuffed with Inferior Corn.
Patrick's Loser...UCLA by 13
-Double Dribble U doubles up Dirty Feet.
Patrick's Loser...UNC by 17
-Chip and Joana's Honeypot Lickers beat the stuffing out of the...what the hell is a Bearcat? (Editor: When a momma cat and a daddy bear love each other very much...)
Patrick's Loser...Cincy by 3
-The Banana Boat Kid and his Biting Stripper Monkeys take a Cowbell to the head.
Patrick's Loser...Texas by 1
-Batter Dipped Weenies and the Blue Oyster Bar's dude cheerleaders' balls....I can't even write this one.
Patrick's Loser...LSWho by 8
There it is! Another amazing Patrick's Losers brought to you, as always, by BarnerSupply.com! Follow @BarnerSupply on 𝕏 for updates!
Patrick is an Auburn man with a deep appreciation for Auburn Sports. Inspired by the nostalgic charm of the classic "Leonard's Losers" from his teenage years, he created "Patrick's Losers" as a modern tribute. Through this playful project, he brings back the fun of game day, engaging with all fanbases while cleverly weaving in his extensive knowledge of 80s pop culture. He can be found on 𝕏 @gameday_south, where he posts more of his awesome thoughts #WDE
