Patrick's Losers Week 8 Edition

Missouri at Auburn

Well, it's Groundhog Day....again. I mean, Gameday. Every week...same game, same refs, same problems,  same Hugh,  same result. This week, Lewis Skolnick and his Show Me Kats head to the Plains to take on Punxsutawney Hugh and his East Alabama Felines.  Will this Feline D continue to be a bright spot? Or will Skolnick and the rest of the Tri-Lambs be scoring like they are in the moon bounce room with the Pi's?  Unfortunately, we have seen this movie....and it sucks. Its worse than a Strangè commercial where Punjab has her giving birth to her own bottle of perfume.  🤢 It's as bad as the Cleveland Indians roster that was supposed to help them relocate to Miami. And then there is Punxsutawney Hugh doing his little shimmy on the sidelines....it makes the women here in Auburn puke. Has the offense been that bad?  Do 80s songs have a saxophone solo? We can't even score when we do score. Hey, thanks, refs! Well, I'm either 3 sheets to the wind or I'm just barning too hard....but...let's kick some names and take some a**.

Patrick's Loser...Mizzou by 1



Tennessee at Alabama

The McDowells' Lettuce Washer takes his Bluetick Coonhounds to the Boar's Nest today to face Boss Hogg and his Fat Pink Pachyderms.  The Pachyderms are playing some good football right now, but still not elite. I just don't see an elite team anywhere right now. The Bluetick Coonhounds have the players to score with the Pachyderms, but their defense is as bad as Rick Cain surfing on the North Shore for the first time. Seriously,  this Coonhound D is easier to score on than Joey Freshwater on White Claw Wednesday. This one gets as ugly as a T-swizzle concert outfit.

Patrick's Loser...Tennessee by 17



Ole Miss at Georgia

Joey Freshwater and his Rebel Black Bear Sharks leave the friendly confines of the Grove and head "betwixt the shrubs" to take on the Bowl Cut Liar and his Peach State Leg Humpers.  If you're a liar and you know it ...clap your hands..

One thing I will say is that the Leg Humpers are the more physical team.  The only time Joey Freshwater is physical is at the Pi Delta Pi house on a panty raid. Pie is better than cake, by the way. Anyway, I think it's close to going into the 4th quarter, but like Burkhart pulling Rick Cain's leash to cheat...Bowl Cut and his pet zebras find a way.

Patrick's Loser...Ole Miss by 6



LSU at Vandy

The Red Stick Carnival Eats head north to the Music City to take on Dora the Explorer's Cousin and the rest of Lionel Ritchie's Boys.  I heard Farmer Fran got the Carnival Eats fired up on the trip by giving a motivational speech...." welibba pightanudaday,...geaux Tigaz!"  ....or something like that. Lionel Ritchie's Boys have had to do a little extra work this week in preparation for the Carnival Eats fans at the game. Above each urinal in the men's concourse bathrooms now hangs a sign that reads...'Don't eat the big pink mint'. Hopefully, all goes well with that. As for the game, I think this one is low scoring. A field goal late wins it....

Patrick's Loser...LSWho by 2



Other Games:

-The Blue Oyster Bar Lassie Wannabes enjoy a late lunch of BBQ at Evel Knievel's expense.
     Patrick's Loser...Arky by 9

-Palmetto State Chickens shouldn't have crossed the Trail; Covered Wagons run them over.
     Patrick's Loser...South Carolina by 10

-Blackbeard's Poisonous Seeds go Rick Vaughn and pitch a shutout against the Woodland Weasels.
     Patrick's Loser...Wisconsin by 23

- Fighting Bobby Knights shove an inferior cob up Sparty's a**.
     Patrick's Loser...Michigan State by 6

-The Two Yutes shoplift a win from the Tabernacle Choir.
     Patrick's Loser...BYU by 3

-The Banana Boat Kid and his Biting Stripper Monkeys let "23andMe " Manning run wild on Bourbon Soaked Kitties.
     Patrick's Loser...Kentucky by 13

-The Seattle Sled Dogs vs the Kids from Calumet. Oh my gosh...does that suck. I would rather watch old people make out.
     Patrick's Loser...America