Georgia at Auburn
Finally, the East Alabama Felines, HAVE COME BACK...home. That's right, Jack Frost and his East Alabama Felines welcome Larry the Dr Pepper Guy and his Peach State Leg Humpers to the Plains. Did someone say night game at Jordan Hare....that must mean Vegas is spotting us 3 tds with the line I saw. The oddsmakers have obviously been snorting more random things than Lane Meyer's buddy Charles DeMar. They think Jack Frost can find his mojo again... he couldn't find his mojo with Austin Powers as his wingman. Anyway, there are a couple of quotes from this week's interviews that I would like to discuss. Our left tackle was asked about his play, and his reply was...."What? Coach said what?" Seriously, our o-line is about as good as Randy Watson and Sexual Chocolate singing about our children being the future.....that would be "good and terrible". I think I would rather watch a rerun of the "What's going down" episode of "That's my Momma" while getting a Brazilian wax than watch our OL pass block. We couldn't block a Tri-Lamb panty raid. Of course, neither could the Pi's. Another quote came from our QB this week, who is apparently still very confident and a fan of CB4. When asked about his role against the Leg Humpers ...he said "Float like a cannonball, sting like a shark. I'm the Tiger waiting for you in the dark." He said a lot of other stuff we had to bleep out, but obviously hoping the nighttime mystique of Jordan Hare plays a role. Anyway, I just don't see how we can score without defensive help again. We may have to pitch a shutout to win. Can we do that? Can the Wet Bandits outwit an 8-year-old so they can rob his house?... I don't think so. But to quote Gandhi..." the future depends on how we BARN in the present ." So let's Barn Hard!
Patrick's Loser...thUGA BY 3
Alabama at Missouri
Boss Hogg loads up the big white Cadillac and takes his Fat Pink Pachyderms to face Lewis Skolnick and his Show Me Kats. These Show Me Kats have continued to rise in the rankings because there are no truly elite teams this year. I will say this: the Pachyderm run defense was easier to get through than crotchless panties, and the Show Me Kats have a really good running back. Seriously, this Pachyderm run defense has been so bad that Travis Kelce would date it (get engaged to it even- editor). The resident Tri Lamb should be smart enough to run the ball. I think this game comes down to ball control. Home team pulls the upset.
Patrick's Loser...Bama by 4
Texas vs Oklahoma
Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Corton Bowl Stadium. I thought I was in the wrong place because I smelled corn dogs and thought LSWho was in town, but we are at the State Fair of Texas, and it's time for the Red River Shootout. The Banana Boat Kid and his Biting Stripper Monkeys face off against the Covered Wagons. Last week's news about Mark Sanchez has a potential effect on the game. It was an Uber Eats driver that Sanchez beat up, so there is a job available for the "23andMe" Manning...if he needs one. This won't be much of a shootout ....Covered Wagons have greased the pole, and the Stripper Monkeys fly off and get run over by the Wagons. Horns Down!
Patrick's Loser...Texas by 13
Indiana at Oregon
The Fighting Bobby Knights take their inferior corn on the road this week to face Gordon Bombay and his Neon Quack Attack. The uniform choice is everything to Daffy's Minions. I haven't seen this much Neon since the final dance scene of Breakin' 2...totally Kelly's idea. Turbo and Ozone would never make that choice on their own. Anyway, ol' Gordo has his Quack Attack playing as good or better than anyone in the country. But just like Howard couldn't close the deal with Beverly...in true Duck fashion, they will blow it in the playoffs. The Fightin' Bobby Knights better bring a bunch of chairs to throw...they will need them to slow down Daffy and the Guys. Inferior corn and inferior football.
Patrick's Loser...Indiana by 16
Florida at Texas A&M
Sunbelt Billy and his Giant Water Lizards leave the Swamp and head to the Blue Oyster Bar for a showdown with the Lassie Wannabes and their Chippendale Cheerleaders. Seriously, I haven't seen that many balls since the news showed footage of a Village People concert. No "23andMe" Manning to feast on this week for the Water Lizard D. I don't think Billy can do it 2 weeks in a row.
Patrick's Loser...Florida by 9
Other Games:
-The McDowells' Lettuce Washer(soon he will be on fries) and his Bluetick Coonhounds don't want bacon-flavored treats....they want the real thing. Spiked Piggies get smoked.
Patrick's Loser...Arkansas by 23
-Chief Osceola and his Friends of the Feather get on PETA's bad side by mistreating the 3 Rivers Kitties
Patrick's Loser...Pitt by 6
-Blackbeard and his Poisonous Seeds pluck the feathers from the Champaign Tribe's headdress.
Patrick's Loser...Illinois by 10
-Palouse Panthers get lost in the Grove. Joey Freshwater shotguns a white claw and crushes the Kitties.
Patrick's Loser ...Wash St by 27
- My Little Pony Express chops down a Redwood.
Patrick's Loser...Stanford by 17
-Steve Urkel and his Kitty Kats from Mt Nittany made a statement last week. That statement was...we suck. Too bad Windy City Smart Kids are worse.
Patrick's Loser...Northwestern by 30
There it is! Another amazing Patrick's Losers brought to you, as always, by BarnerSupply.com! Follow @BarnerSupply on 𝕏 for updates!
Patrick is an Auburn man with a deep appreciation for Auburn Sports. Inspired by the nostalgic charm of the classic "Leonard's Losers" from his teenage years, he created "Patrick's Losers" as a modern tribute. Through this playful project, he brings back the fun of game day, engaging with all fanbases while cleverly weaving in his extensive knowledge of 80s pop culture. He can be found on 𝕏 @gameday_south, where he posts more of his awesome thoughts #WDE
