Auburn at Georgia

It's that time...the Deep South's Oldest Rivalry.  Ginger Spice Drago takes his East Alabama Siberian Felines into the Peach State to face Larry the Dr Pepper Guy and his Glitter Panty Leg Humpers. This was a great, and almost dead even rivalry until Allen Greene ended up in Lloyd and Harry's heart shaped hot tub with Mr. Potato Head on steroids. Since then ...well let's not talk about it. Listening to the coaches speak during the bye week...I haven't heard that much hot air since Geoff Chaucer introduced Ulrich Von Lichtenstein at a Jousting Tournament.

Coach Gordon seems about as lost as a blindfolded Stevie Wonder in a corn maze. Our list of needs on this roster is longer than the list of cheeses Patti Deutsch rattled off to Jack Butler in Mr Mom. IRV, CLEAN UP ON AISLE 7!  Irv, we were never in aisle 7. Sorry, couldn't help myself. I am usually a glass half full guy, but our OL is about as bad as Scott Howard is at basketball....regular Scott, not the Wolf version of Scott. They couldn't block a mannequin. Another problem is this Leg Humper offense has been more explosive than Harry's Turbo Lax episode. We can't block, we can't stop the run....OUR PETS HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!!! I just don't see a way to win this game....what am I saying? Let's lace em up and get after it.

Patrick's Loser....thUGA by 6

Alabama at Tennessee

Boss Hogg and his Fat Pink Pachyderms load up the big white Cadillac and head to the Smokies today take on McDowell’s Lettuce Washer and his Creamsicle Coonhounds. I don't think he gets moved up to Fries after this week. The Coonhounds defense is pretty good and can keep them in games, but the offense is as bad as Rick Kane's first attempt surfing the North Shore. This one could get ugly. I am not sure the Coonhounds can score. This Pachyderm defense is about as scary as the scare floor at Monsters Inc. And if they can't stop you they will just sucker punch you in the face. Either way this one hurts.

Patrick's Loser...Tennessee by 10

Miss State at LSWho

Jeauxy Swampwater and his Carnival Eats welcome Booger and his Cowbelled Bullpups to Red Stick today. Jeauxy is the ultimate 80s villain and it seems like the rest of the conference is cheering against him every week. He is the Roy Stalin to a Lane Meyer each week. We all seemed to be Bourbon Soaked Kitty fans last week when Jeauxy was whining about a timeout. I just don't think the Cowbelled Bullpups have the dudes on offense or defense to survive Death Valley....even if Jeauxy will be nursing a hangover.

Patrick's Loser...Miss St by 15

Ohio State at Indiana

Blackbeard and his Poisonous Seeds head to the Hoosier state to take on Vincent Antonelli, I'm sorry, Todd Wilkinson and his Inferior Corn.  I think one of these teams may be fraudulent.  I think Inferior Corn has about as much of a chance to win this game as Duckie had of ending up with Andie. Poisonous Seeds are just too good.  Blackbeard celebrates with a fresh box of Midnight Cocoa Bean.

Patrick's Loser...Indiana by 10

Florida at Texas

The lead singer from Spandau Ballet takes his Giant Water Lizards to the weird city in Texas. Nothing says weird like Panama Jack and his Biting Stripper Monkeys.  Daisy Duke would be proud of the amount of jorts and boots at this game. "23andMe" Manning takes a step forward in this one. Not because he is good, but because tne Water Lizard defense is as bad as Clifford Franklin without a cold or stickum. This don't look natural., you know it don't.  What are they gonna do...put you in football jail. Coach...I look like i just ja....( you know the rest). This one is going to get as out of control as the Tri-Lambs in Ft Lauderdale.

Patrick's Loser...Florida by 16

 Missouri at Ole Miss

Lewis Skolnick and his Show Me Kats head to the Doublewide in the Orchard to take on Dewey and his Rebel Black Bear Sharks. Earlier in the year Lewis couldn't have scored at an Omega Mu social with free pizza, now he has cameras in the Pi Delta Pi house and he and Betty Childs have walked on the moon. I was not a big believer in either of these teams before the season started.  But lately I am as hot on these Show Me Kats as Billy Hoyle from the top of the key. Their defense is as good as a Chandler surfboard. Upset special?

Patrick's Loser...Ole Miss by 6

"But if I say I'll never mention the Lord or speak in his name, His word burns in my heart like a fire. It's like a fire in my bones! I am worn out trying to hold it in! I can't do it!

          -Jeremiah 20:9