Auburn at Texas A&M
Jack Frost takes his Stormtrooper Felines to a galaxy far, far away again this week. They head into Cult Central to take on Elmo and his Lassie Look-a-Likes. Heard from a friend that the Lassie Look-a-Likes' fans did not like being referred to as Lassie Look-a-Likes. Sounds like they have about as much of a sense of humor as the Covered Wagons....but much nicer people in my opinion. Personally, I would worry more that it looks like Blanks and Copeland went to the Blue Oyster Bar to recruit your cheerleaders. I haven't seen that many balls since bingo night at the VFW. The Central High Wildcat cheerleaders are better than these guys. U...G... L...Y....and you ain't got no alibi, you ugly, what..what, you ugly. Back to the game. So far this year, our play calling has been as bad as a full-price matinee showing of Willie Mays Hays and Jesse "the Body" Ventura in Black Hammer/White Lightning. Our coaches call plays as randomly as the junk that got thrown at Gene Gene the Dancing Machine. And don't get me started on our offensive line; they have been easier to get into than a miniskirt. On the other side, the Lassie Wannabes (you asked for it) are as explosive on offense as a late-night Taco Bell run. They will also be looking for revenge after the beatdown we delivered last year. I mean, I haven't seen a beating like that since somebody shoved a banana in my pants and turned a monkey loose. Defense better be ready again this week....took a giant step forward last week, let's build on that. Heard from another guy last week that said..."You know, Patrick's Losers has a bit of an orange and blue slant"...To quote my man Swifty from Six Pack...." No $***, Dick Tracy!" War Eagle and Barn Hard!!! Thumbs down to the Lassie Wannabes.
Patrick's Loser...Texas A&M by 6
Alabama at Georgia
Boss Hogg loads up the big white Cadillac and leaves the Boar's Nest this week to take his Fat Red Pachyderms between the shrubs. Ready to lift a leg is Larry the Dr Pepper Guy and his North Georgia Leg Humpers. After the egg they laid against Chief Osceola's Friends of the Feather, Boss Hogg has this Red Algae Bloom Wave offense lighting up the scoreboard like Clark Griswold's house in December. Well, it wouldn't be September of college football season if the games were any less hooter than, hotter than they are. Can't see the line, can ya, Russ? Of course the two teams they have played since then are about as good as Cousin Eddy's "real" tomato ketchup. What a bloody shambles those two teams were. The lost member of Devo has his Leg Humpers playing really well after 2 meh performances early on. Can they slow down the Pachyderms and disrupt their QB? Can they put up offensive numbers like they did the last 3 quarters against the Coonhounds? Does @BarnerSupply make great merch? To quote Stone Cold..." oh, hell yeah." This one has all the makings of a classic and ends with Hawk and Animal's kids barking at the dark pink plaid clad visitors and the Pachyderms saddled with another loss.
Patrick's Loser...Alabama by 5
LSU at Ole Miss
The Red Stick Carnival Eats hit the road today and dip into the Grove for a showdown with Joey Freshwater and his Rebel Black Bear Sharks. If the Rebel Black Bear Sharks find a way to win this game, Ernest Hemingway Stadium will be as lit as a sorority girl at Joey's after-party chasing Fireball with White Claw. This Batter Dipped Weenie defense has been harder to score on than Maid Marian from Robin Hood: Men in Tights. They better be ready to go today, too, because they have been less offensive than a one-piece bathing suit so far this year. I think both of these teams are good but a little overrated. First team to 24 wins...
Patrick's Loser...Ole Miss by 3
Oregon at Penn State
Gordon Bombay takes his Neon Quack Attack on the road to State College to face Steve Urkel and his Kitty Kats from Mt Nittany. The Quack Attack comes in with an offense that moves faster than an Alpha Beta with liquid heat in his jock and scores more than a Tri-Lamb at the Hotel Coral Essex. #No on 15! The problem for the Feathered Helmets is that Kitty Kats defense is more smothering than Chloroform. We don't usually pick up hitchhikers, but I'm gonna go with my gut on this one...
Patrick's Loser...Oregon by 2
Other Games:
-Why did the Palmetto State Chickens cross the road? To scratch the eyes out of the Bourbon Soaked Kitties.
Patrick's Loser...Kentucky by 8
-Dora the Explorer's Cousin and the rest of Lionel Ritchie's Boys take the hayseed right out of the Logan Farmers' mouths.
Patrick's Loser...Utah State by 31
-Lewis Skolnick and his Show Me Kats steal the muskets from the One Pump Chumps.
Patrick's Loser...UMass by 24
-Cowbelled Bullpups put up a fight, but Bluetick Coonhounds hit the cowbell like Sheila E.
Patrick's Loser...Miss St by 11
-Pope's Pupils aren't hungry for lucky charms and feast on Pulled Pork instead.
Patrick's Loser...Arkansas by 6
-Trojans also prevent the Champaign Tribe from winning.
Patrick's Loser...Illinois by 10
There it is! Another amazing Patrick's Losers brought to you, as always, by BarnerSupply.com! Follow @BarnerSupply on 𝕏 for updates!
Patrick is an Auburn man with a deep appreciation for Auburn Sports. Inspired by the nostalgic charm of the classic "Leonard's Losers" from his teenage years, he created "Patrick's Losers" as a modern tribute. Through this playful project, he brings back the fun of game day, engaging with all fanbases while cleverly weaving in his extensive knowledge of 80s pop culture. He can be found on 𝕏 @gameday_south, where he posts more of his awesome thoughts #WDE
