Ball State @ Auburn
Jack Frost and his East Alabama Felines are at home on the Plains after a big road win last week. Testicle Tech rolls into town after the Little Engine that Could made them turn their head and cough last week. It doesn't get any easier for Cajones Community College this week. Hope they wore a cup because they are gonna get kicked today. To quote the great Texas State Fighting Armadillo kicker, Lucy Draper..."Welcome to foot, Ball St."...or something like that. Felines should work on the passing game today, and the D better put on a tackling clinic after last week. They missed more tackles than the Pee Wee Cowboys trying to tackle the Jakester running the Annexation of Puerto Rico. Apologies to my friend, and Ball State's most famous Alum, @HeySavannahZ...Testicle Tech catches a beatdown....break out the frozen peas.
Patrick's Loser....Ball State by 34
(Editor: Interesting note, Auburn's defense missed 31 tackles against Baylor. Accounting for more than half of their receiving yards!)
La Monroe @ Alabama
In a matchup that has college football fans trembling with anticipation, the Chicken Hawks from Monroe fly into the Boar's Nest today to take on Boss Hogg's Fat Red Pachyderms. Oddsmakers have taken the point spread off the board, citing 2007 and Boss Hogg's "deer in headlights" look at Doak last week. The Pachyderms better pull the flaming spear out of their trunk and wake up....these Chicken Hawks are coming in hot after a huge win last week over Franks Red Hot Community College...or something like that. We spoke to the Chicken Hawks Head Coach..um....um....I can't find it...to hell with it. Anyway, we asked him about his plan against the Red Algae Bloom Wave, and he simply held up a voodoo doll he bought in a Baton Rouge thrift store. And there isn't enough ranch in the Hidden Valley to drown the word salad Boss Hogg offered up at his press conference. Let's be real...this one will get ugly.
Patrick's Loser...ULM by 38
Iowa at Iowa State
Get ready for the El Assico, where the Ames F5's and the Fighting Jeremy Renners battle for cornfield supremacy in a game guaranteed to feature at least 4 punts per possession. The Jeremy Renners bring their patented "offense optional" strategy, while the F5's counter with their bold plan to "not score either " -but slightly faster. Expect about as much scoring in this one as an Omega Mu at an Alpha Beta party.. Take the under...
Patrick's Loser...Iowa by 6
Ole Miss at Kentucky
Joey Freshwater and his Rebel Black Bear Sharks head to Bourbon making country to take on Dusty Rhodes and his Commonwealth Kitty Kats. Hearing reports that Joey took a break from White Claw Wednesdays and showed up at the ZTA house for 90s night dressed like Zack Morris with a brick phone, a case of Zima, and a bag of Jolly Ranchers. Get your swerve on, JFresh. Back to the game....this isn't just an early SEC matchup... no, this is a game between 2 teams that annually flirt with national relevance before ghosting the playoff committee by mid-October. Joey Freshwater is looking for payback against the Kitty Kats for ruining his playoff chances last year in a game where he couldn't score in a Vegas strip club with a hundred dollar bill pinned to his chest. Can the Bourbon Soaked Kitties do it again?... I don't think so.
Patrick's Loser...Kentucky by 12
Other Games:
Baylor @ $MU
Little Gus and his My Little Pony Expre$$ welcome the Honeypot Lickers to town. This one should be about as much fun as a cricket in your shorts. Mobile QB for $MU is the difference.
Patrick's Loser...Baylor by 3
Kansas at Missouri
Lewis Skolnick and his Show Me Kats welcome the Peckers of the Prairie to Columbia today for a Border War. I expect the Peckers to sweep the leg early and the Show Me Kats with the crane kick KO in the end. Coach Skolnik screams, "No one puts Mizzou in a corner" as the Show Me Kats dance on the Peckers' "Shattered Dreams " to a synth-heavy victory montage.
Patrick's Loser...Kansas by 4
Arizona St. @ Miss St.
The Pitchfork Pack invade Stark-Vegas today and stick a fork in the Cowbelled Bullpups.
Patrick's Loser...Miss St by 13
Quick Hitters:
Fighting Bobby Knights boat race the Hooters. In Jr High, we called that second base....today it's just a blowout.
---Patrick's Loser...Kennesaw St by 27
Scarlet Marauders shoot holes in Lightning.
---Patrick's Loser...Kent St by 31
Biting Stripper Monkeys dance all over the 300. "Is lap dancing a style?"....
--Patrick's Loser...San Jose St by 40
North Georgia Leg Humpers lift a leg on Let's Go Peay!
---Patrick's Loser...Austin Peay by 38
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Patrick is an Auburn man with a deep appreciation for Auburn Sports. Inspired by the nostalgic charm of the classic "Leonard's Losers" from his teenage years, he created "Patrick's Losers" as a modern tribute. Through this playful project, he brings back the fun of game day, engaging with all fanbases while cleverly weaving in his extensive knowledge of 80s pop culture. He can be found on 𝕏 @gameday_south, where he posts more of his awesome thoughts #WDE
