*Note from editor: I miss you guys. - Matthew*
Idle at Auburn
Another frustrating week last week fam. Good News though...We will not find a new way to lose a football game today. Instead we fire up the flux capacitor and flip on some 80s even some 90s music and pull for a ton of upsets.
Today's playlist:
"Barnin' Down the House"-Talking Heads
"Easy Barner"-Phil Collins and Philip Bailey
"I would Barn 4 U" - Prince
And why not sing along with Sisqo's hit...."Let me see that Barn.....bay-by, that Barn..B..Barn, Barn, Barn!"
Listen...we are all frustrated with Foosball but The Oyster Irritant and his Roundball Felines are here to help. Seriously though, playing all these young guys is only going to make us better. These recruiting classes are going to Make Auburn Football Great Again!
Patrick's Loser...Idle by 2....
🚨Special Basketball Edition🚨
The Oyster Irritant and his Roundball Felines are on the road at Phi Slamma Jamma. This is an Elite 8 type match up fam. Great opening win for the Felines over the Maple Syrup Kitties, with a lot of new pieces. I haven't seen a beating like that since somebody shoved a honey pot in my shorts and turned a bear loose. Probably too much to overcome on the road against arguably the nation's best team....no way we can wi....oh, who are we kidding. We're gonna Barn, Barn, Barn...'til our Daddy takes our T-bird away.
Patrick's Loser...Houston by 4
Alabama at LSU
Boss Hogg fires up the big white Cadillac and drives his Fat Red Pachyderms down into the Bayou. Lying in wait will be the Red Stick Carnival Eats. I haven't bought into the Carnival Eats all year. They seem faker than an Austin Powers fem-bot. And early in the season I was higher on the Pink Algae Bloom Wave than Snoop Dogg on a normal day. I am starting to switch my thoughts on both. I think this Corndog passing offense will be more aggressive than a fraternity house at formal. Can the Pachyderm secondary hold up? Can the Batter Dipped Weenie D stop the Pachyderm QB from running all over the Bayou ? I think the Carnival Eats have sacrificed a chicken, made a necklace with chicken feet and buried their draws in the yard to try and win....it's voodoo on the Bayou...Corndogs and hooch all around!!!
Patrick's Loser...Bama by 3
Florida at Texas
The Lonestar State Biting Stripper Monkeys welcome the Giant Water Lizards to the Cheetah today. Last week was the Cocktail Party and this week on the road at the Cheetah. These 2 in a row are harder than skiing the K-12 on 1 ski. This one gets uglier than an episode of the View after the Trump win. T-shirt canon will be shooting new alligator g-strings into the crowd after all 4th quarter TDs.
Patrick's Loser...Florida by 17
Georgia at Ole Miss
Larry the Dr Pepper Guy and his Peach State Leg Humpers roll into the Grove today to take on Joey Freshwater and his Rebel Black Bear Sharks. Last week the Rebel Black Bear Sharks found it easier to score on the Spiked Piggies than Joey Freshwater shotgunning a White Claw. Things will not be so easy today for Joey. On the other hand, the Leg Humper QB has been doing his best Payton Thorne impression lately....throwing the ball to the other team. He can't do that against a team that can score quicker than their Coach on White Claw Wednesday. This one is back and forth for a half but the Rebel Black Bear Sharks get Leg Humped into submission and eliminated from the CFP.
Patrick's Loser ...Ole Miss by 8
Other Games:
--Tropical Cyclone spotted near the Varsity. Atlanta Smart Guys aren't smart enough to come in out of the rain.
Patrick's Loser...Georgia Tech by 17
-- Blackbeard and his Poisonous Seeds blow up the bridge while the Little Engine that Could is crossing.
Patrick's Loser...Purdue by 12
-- Fighting Bobby Knights host the Kids From Calumet. The problem is the Kids from Calumet's defense is easier to get through than fishnet pantyhose. The fall from the top continues.
Patrick's Loser...Michigan by 13
-- Turkeys with an early Thanksgiving protest...gobble up Crack Enhanced Kitty Kats.
Patrick's Loser...Clemson by 1
-- Emerald Eaglets shot down by Ground Forces.
Patrick's Loser...North Texas by 6
-- Palmetto State Chickens coach stays up all night funneling coffee and game planning for the Fightin Lionel Ritchies. The Lionel Ritchie's
O-line held more than a double D bra last week against the East Alabama Felines. Chickens better hope that gets called. Dora the
Explorer's Cousin is better than last week but not good.
Patrick's Loser...Vandy by 10
-- Turtles are slow on land and in the water. Quack Attack swims circles around them.
Patrick's Loser...Maryland by 21
-- Steve Urkel's Mt Nittany Kats rebound against Seattle Sled Dogs.
Patrick's Loser...Washington by 20
-- The Maroon Marauders shoot up a bunch of Rocky Mountain Tatanka. Amazon Prime calls PETA and the Playoff committee to complain.
He whines more than Keith Sweat trying to get every guy in the 90s to second base.
Patrick's Loser...Colorado by 5
And there you have it, another week of the amazing Patrick's Losers in the books. Brought to you by the amazing guys at Barner Supply. So don't forget to click that link and by a hat and a polo. Because if you ain't wearing Barner, you might as well be wearing houndstooth.....Give @barnersupply on 𝕏 a follow and check out the Barner podcast @BetweentwoBarns!
Patrick is an Auburn man with a deep appreciation for Auburn Sports. Inspired by the nostalgic charm of the classic "Leonard's Losers" from his teenage years, he created "Patrick's Losers" as a modern tribute. Through this playful project, he brings back the fun of game day, engaging with all fanbases while cleverly weaving in his extensive knowledge of 80s pop culture. He can be found on 𝕏 @gameday_south where he post more of his awesome thoughts #WDE
