Patrick's Losers Week 10
Arkansas at Auburn
It's brunch at the Gulag. The Spiked Piggies leave the Ozarks and head to the Plains to take on Ginger Spice Drago and his East Alabama Siberian Felines. The Spiked Piggies have been as bad as getting life advice from Coach Bobby Finstock. But in the sane breath, after making Bob Barker proud and neutering the Leg Humpers, the Felines have played 2 halves about as bad as copying Ronald Miller on the dance floor. Seriously, watching our OL block...opposing defenses get more penetration than a Skinemax movie. Need a change at center because ours gets beat like Electro Rock taking on Ozone, Turbo and Kelly. We have had less game lately than Anthony Michael Hall trying to hit on Molly Ringwald on the bus ride after school. And our OC has been calling plays like he pulling bingo balls at the VFW. He has less rhythm than Willard learning to dance in Footloose. Let's find something today and take a step forward in these last 4 games. Throw out the eggs Benedict, that's #SKB, and let's have BBQ for brunch.
Patrick's Loser...Arkansas by 10
Alabama at LSWho
Boss Hogg loads up the big white Cadillac and takes his Fat Pink Pachyderms down to the Bayou to take on Jeauxy Swampwater and his Red Stick Carnival Eats. With the first CFP rankings coming out, per the norm the Fat Pink Pachyderms ranking is about as over inflated as an Alpha Beta's ego. If the Pachyderms lose today, their chances of making the playoffs should be about as good as the Wet Bandits chances of getting through Kevin McAllister's house unscathed. But....we all know, even with another loss the committee will do all they can to keep the Pachyderms in. They will need a handi-wipe after all that work. Jeauxy and his Carnival Eats have definitely gotten better as the season goes on. That continues...
Patrick's Loser...Alabama by 4
Texas at Missouri
Panama Jack and his Lonestar State Biting Stripper Monkeys head north to take on Lewis Skolnick and his Show Me Kats. I would love to tell you that I know how this game will go but it would probably be easier picking the winner of the Cannonball Run. Both teams have played really well at times and other times they have looked like the Little Giants during their first practice. "23andMe" Manning continues to live up to his nickname. He changes his level of play as quickly as Lisa changes Gary and Wyatt's clothes and cars. And sometimes Skolnick looks like he has his mind on Betty in the moon bounce room. With as fickle as fan bases are these days he may want to ...as Mr Miyagi would say, stay focused. Normally I would say the Show Me Kats have a better chance of catching a fly with chopsticks than beating the Stripper Monkeys, but this season has more twists than a Harlan Coben novel. Last minute winner in this one?
Patrick's Loser...Texas by 2
BYU at Utah
Minnesota may be the land of 10,000 lakes or 10,000 Somali Daycare centers, not sure...they may have changed it. But today we have a huge game in the land of 10,000 sister wives. The Tabernacle Choir will be taking on the 2 Yutes for state supremacy. I think I would rather watch The Bourne Supremacy than this game. I just don't think either team is great. About as athletic as the Omega Mu intramural flag football team. The media has hyped this game more than episode one of Flavor of Love. Both teams are faker than Big Momma's wig. One is trashier than a Kardashian.
Patrick's Loser...Utah by 8
Other Games:
No wonder Woke Woods is 7-1. This week they play the powerhouse...Merrimack.
-Patrick's Loser...Merrimack by 60
Dogs vs Cats....a tale as old as time. Creamsicle Coonhounds lift a leg on the Bourbon Soaked Kitties.
-Patrick's Loser....Kentucky by 3
Gordon Bombay and his Neon Quack Attack take on Blackbeard and his Poisonous Seeds. Quack Attack wears more Neon than the dancers at the end of Breakin' 2....blinds Blackbeard.
-Patrick's Loser...Ohio St by 1
Larry the Dr Pepper Guy and his Peach State Leg Humpers rip the fins off the Rebel Black Bear Sharks. Otis spends the night in jail.
-Patrick's Loser...Ole Sis by 13
Catholics vs Criminals....as the Windy Ibises visit touchdown Jesus to take on the Pope's Pupils. The Rock and Michael Irvin are disappointed after this one.
-Patrick's Loser...Miami by 6
"God's Son was before all else, and by him everything is held together. "
-Colossians 1:17
This is Laminin, the cell adhesion molecule that holds our body together. There are a billion little crosses holding our body together right now and one massive cross, of Christ, holding us to our Heavenly Father right now. God bless you all.
