aLabama at Auburn
Here we are, fam, Iron Bowl Saturday. Boss Hogg and his Fat Pink Plaid Pachyderms roll onto the Plains in his big white Cadillac with Playoff hopes dancing in their heads. Well, this isn't Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo and Electro Rock aren't their opponents. No, lying in wait is Cyrus the Virus and his Pride of East Alabama Felines. And I'm being told....wait, ..oh my goodness...Jordan-Hare After Dark....are you kidding? Break out the garlic....or jarlic, whichever you use, sacrifice a chicken, bury a pair of your drawers in the yard, get Jobu abd his rum out of the cabinet...because the Voo Doo Palace is going to be in full effect. I hope they tested the place for structural integrity this week, because the place will be as lit as The Max during a Bayside High dance contest. Seriously, the House of Horrors that the Pachyderms are plodding into is more haunted than Hill House. Can the Felines take advantage of the atmosphere and knock the Pachyderms out of the playoffs? Will the refs stay out of the way or has the message been handed down from commissioner Stankey to keep them in? The Felines will need to feed off the crowd to beat the Pachyderms and the Zebras. If it is a close game in the 4th quarter the Zebras will get involved. So Cyrus and the Felines need to grab the Pachyderms by the trunk.....drag them down Know Your Role Boulevard....hang that left on Jabroni Drive....and check them directly into ...the SMACKDOWN HOTEL!!!! I don't care who starts at QB...like Bandit and Snowman...put the hammer down and keep it down. And fam...WE will play a part today. Our boys need us. So I need you guys as disruptive as John Bender during a Shermer High Saturday detention. I need you as crazy as Squints faking a drowning to lip lock Wendy Peffercorn....as crazy as Lane Meyer skiing the K-12 on one ski...as crazy as Cousin Eddie emptying his shi**er into the city sewer. I need you as loud as a gas tanker driving through a nitro glycerin plant. Now to the game....will Cyrus turn the Duece loose after his performance last week or will we see Ashton? Can Nix cook up a great plan and be in his bag tonight? Can Cyrus' side of the ball return to mid-year form? Can we stop throwing to 15....we need to be like the Tri-Lanbs in Ft Lauderdale..." NO on 15"....he couldn't catch anything if he licked a Piggly Wiggly shopping cart. Call me crazy....or call me a Barner, but I think we put a complete game together for the first time this year. I think the Pachyderms are really good but not great. Boss Hogg ends up on the hot seat (And headed to Penn State...) after this one. Voodoo Palace is rocking....and in the immortal words of Rod Bramblett..."they're not gonna keep 'em off the field tonight."
Patrick's Loser...aLabama by 10
Ohio State at Michigan
Just for Men and his Poisonous Seeds travel north to the Little House to face the Kids from Calumet. Just looking at the rankings, it looks like this should be a good game. But I think the Kids from Calumet are faker than a Kardashian and easier to score on. Just goes to show you that the rankings are more watered down than the drinks on $1 margarita night. This Poisonous Seed team may be the best in the country, and their defense is more elite than a fresh Mickey pretzel in the Magic Kingdom....right @BenMcAliley? Blackbeard celebrates with a fresh box of Midnight Cocoa Bean.
Patrick's Loser...Michigan by 12
Vandy at Tennessee
Dora the Explorer's Cousin and the rest of Lionel Ritchie's Boys invade Rocky Top to take on the local Bluetick Coonhounds. These Coonhounds are looking for a fight, and Dora's Cousin is about to be sponsored by a 55+ community. I hope the scoreboard is ready for this one....because there will be more scoring going on than a Tri-Lamb at the Hotel Coral Essex. I'm going to go with my gut on this one...
Patrick's Loser...Vandy by 4
Other Games:
-Covered Wagon inhabitants feast on Corndogs.
Patrick's Loser...LSWho by 13
-Gordon Bombay's Quack Attack beats the puck out of the Seattle Sled Dogs.
Patrick's Loser...Washington by 16
-The Best Mayonnaise chicken kicks the Foghorn Leghorns.
Patrick's Loser...Coastal Carolina by 9
-My Little Pony Express steals the pic-a-nic baskets from the Chico's Bail Bonds Yellow Yogis.
Patrick's Loser...Cal by 11
There it is! Another amazing Patrick's Losers brought to you, as always, by BarnerSupply.com! Follow @BarnerSupply on 𝕏 for updates!
Patrick is an Auburn man with a deep appreciation for Auburn Sports. Inspired by the nostalgic charm of the classic "Leonard's Losers" from his teenage years, he created "Patrick's Losers" as a modern tribute. Through this playful project, he brings back the fun of game day, engaging with all fanbases while cleverly weaving in his extensive knowledge of 80s pop culture. He can be found on 𝕏 @gameday_south, where he posts more of his awesome thoughts #WDE
