Auburn at aLabama (Tuscaloosa Campus)
This is it, Fam....the big one...the Iron Bowl. Jack Frost and his East Alabama Felines use the Cricket wireless burner phone to make a reservation at the Moon Winx Lodge, as they travel to the Boar's Nest today face Boss Hogg's Fat Red Pachyderms. Last week the magic of Jordan Hare returned and the Felines won a big one. Can they win the biggest one.....on the road? Until Dark Helmet came along, the Felines owned JHS-West. Can that magic return today? The Pachyderms are currently the more talented and experienced team...but I am reminded of the immortal words of Bill Murray in Meatballs...."it just doesn't matter....it just doesn't matter.....it just doesn't matter." If you can't hear Bill Murray chanting this its only because you haven't seen the movie. We can win this...like Lane Meyer kicking Roy Stalin's @** down the K-12 on 1 ski. We can win this...like Shane Falco and the Washington Sentinals making the playoffs. We can win this...like Gordon Bombay and the Ducks of District 5 puck slapping the Hawks to win the State Championship. We can win this...like Hoops McCann and friends using "The Boat" to win the Nantucket Regata, and we can win this like the great brothers of Lambda Lambda Lambda used their "Eat a Pie" for charity 🤔👀 booth and their rap and light show to beat the Alpha Betas. Because, "IT JUST DOESNT MATTER" who has the better team on paper. This is the Iron Bowl. The game where legends are born....from Punt Bama Punt, Bo Over the Top, Tornado Game, Reverse to Tillman, First Time Ever, Nix to Sanders, Honk if You Sacked Brodie, 12 men on the Field and the KICK 6...there is nothing like it...anywhere. I don't care if you are there or not, you better lose your voice today....let these kids here you. Coach Dye said it best when asked how long it would take him to beat aLabama?...his reply, simply..."60 minutes" We can do this! We are the Auburn Family....and the inspirational quote this week is from Detectives Marcus Burnett and Mike Lowrey...."WE RIDE TOGETHER, WE DIE TOGETHER.......BARN BOYS 4 LIFE!!!!" Its going to be "Chitty Chitty bang, bang" for the Pachyderms. War Eagle, baby...let's go!!!
Patrick's Loser...aLabama by 10
South Carolina at Clemson
The Sandstorm Chickens and their over-caffienated Coach head to Howard's Rock to take on the Crack Enhanced Kitty Kats from the same state. These 2 programs are headed in opposite directions. Kitty Kats may need another fix....I see this one going the way of the Chickens.
Patrick's Loser...Clemson by 4
Michigan at Ohio State
The Kids from Calumet travel to the Shoe today to take on Blackbeard and his band of Poisonous Seeds. Seriously, is there any black shoe polish left in the land of Callahan Auto Parts? His beard looks worse than Long Duck Dong's driving skills. Back to the game...it won't be much of one.
Patrick's Loser...Michigan by 17
Tennessee at Vandy
The McDowell's lettuce washer and his Bluetick Coonhounds come down off Rocky Top and travel to the Music City to take on the Fightin' Lionel Ritchies. Dora the Explorer's Cousin, suing the NCAA for an eleventeenth year of eligibility, keeps this one close for a half. If he wins his case...that AARP NIL money is going to be 🔥. Coonhounds too much in this one...cement their spot in the CFP.
Patrick's Loser...Vandy by 10
Notre Dame at USC
The Pope's Pupils and some Trojans. I'm not touching this one. One team peaking, not peeking, at the right time.
Patrick's Loser...USC by 13
Texas at Texas A&M
The Lonestar State Biting Stripper Monkeys leave the Cheetah and head to Cult Central to take on Elmo and his Lassie Look-a-Likes. This is the battle for bragging rights in the land of gunracks and open beverage containers. Playoff implications are huge in this one. The Lonestar State hasn't had a game this big since Paul Blake led the Texas State Fighting Armadillos in a huge upset win over the #1 Texas Colts. Both teams are well coached...although there is no Ed "Straight Arrow" Gennero leading either program. Can the Stripper Monkeys win on the road? Can the Lassie Look-a-Likes rebound from the haunts of Jordan Hare? The answer to one of those is yes..🤣🤔
Patrick's Loser...Texas A&M by 6
Other Games:
-- Turtles get their shell cracked atop Mt Nittany. Urkel tries to dance in celebration...goes viral for being bad.
Patrick's Loser...Maryland by 12
-- Oranges get squeezed in Tropical Cyclone.
Patrick's Loser...Syracuse by 3
-- Little Gus and his My Little Pony Express make their case for a playoff spot as they steal the Chico's Bail Bonds Yellow Yogis pic-a-nic basket.
Patrick's Loser...Cal by 8
The editor would like to take this opportunity to note that if you were using Patrick's Losers column to wager on games this year that you will probably not be able to afford BarnerSupply.com gear. Or housing and food. However, mortgage the house (If you still have it) , sell the dog, put the kids in a sweat shop...whatever it takes...because if you aren't wearing Barner Supply, you might as well be wearing houndstooth. WDE!
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Patrick is an Auburn man with a deep appreciation for Auburn Sports. Inspired by the nostalgic charm of the classic "Leonard's Losers" from his teenage years, he created "Patrick's Losers" as a modern tribute. Through this playful project, he brings back the fun of game day, engaging with all fanbases while cleverly weaving in his extensive knowledge of 80s pop culture. He can be found on 𝕏 @gameday_south where he post more of his awesome thoughts #WDE
