Patrick’s Losers: Week 4 Edition. Like Scuba Steve,
let’s dive into the action.
Vandy at Auburn
Kojak and Lionel Richie’s boys raise anchor and head south to the Plains. Lying in wait will be Ginger Spice Drago’s pride of East Alabama Siberian felines. After last week, the felines will be licking a few bite wounds, while Lionel’s boys are still celebrating a win over the Short Yellow Bus Paw Patrol. That was about as dumb as Billy Madison’s answer during the Academic Decathlon, and we are all dumber for having seen it.
Drago better get his offensive-line situation figured out because they are easier to get through than a miniskirt right now.
Powder
better figure out how to teach his defense to tackle and get off the field on third-and-a-mile. Our defense last week was about as bad as Long Duck Dong’s driving skills.
I think Drago gets this team back on track. Who wants to drink the Kool-Aid with me? Sorry, Lionel’s boys, the defense will be a “Brick House,” and we will be partying “All Night Long.”
Patrick’s Loser: Vandy by 17
South Carolina at Alabama
Boss Hogg and his Fat Pink Pachyderms
welcome the Palmetto State Chickens
to the Boar’s Nest today.
Seriously, where does the rest of the country sign up for Boss Hogg’s schedule?
This one, like the others they have played, will be as easy as Bo and Luke giving Roscoe the slip.
I mean, the Chickens are about as fake as a Kardashian and easier to score on. The Red Algae Bloom Wave will score more than Lance in a laundry room with Darci. Chickens are cooked.
Patrick’s Loser: South Carolina by 27
Ole Miss at Florida
Dewey and his designated driver take the Rebel Black Bear Sharks down to Soggy Bottom, USA, to take on the lead singer from Spandau Ballet and his Giant Water Lizards.
“This much is true”: these Water Lizards are a physical
team.
If they can run the ball and play keep-away from the Rebel Black Bear Shark offense, they will have a chance. If the Rebel Black Bear Sharks are still celebrating their victory over Jeauxy Swampwater and looking past these Water Lizards, it could be a long day.
Jorts versus Duckheads. This one should be as much fun as having dual fighters during a game of Galaga.
Patrick’s Loser: Ole Miss by 3
Texas at Tennessee
Panama Jack and his Lone Star State Biting Stripper Monkeys head
to the Smokies today to take on McDowell’s Lettuce Washer
and his Creamsicle Coonhounds.
While I don’t think “23andMe” Manning is the greatest thing ever,
I don’t think the Coonhounds are quite as good on a pole as the Stripper Monkeys. The Coppertone and body glitter NIL dollars are paying off.
Patrick’s Loser: Tennessee by 9
Missouri at Mississippi State
Lewis Skolnick and his Show Me Kats hit the road to the Magnolia State to face Booger Presley and his Cowbelled Bullpups. Battle of the Tri-Lambs.
Booger has Lamar at quarterback...edge to the Bullpups. Betty isn’t walking in to help Lewis with this one. Maybe she can console him in the moon room later.
Patrick’s Loser: Missouri by 12
Oklahoma at Georgia
Skeletor and his Covered Wagons catch a beatdown. Larry the Dr Pepper Guy and his Peach State Leg Humpers continue to roll through inferior opponents like a rolling ball of butcher knives. Skeletor’s seat gets warm after this one.
Patrick’s Loser:
Oklahoma by 20
Texas A&M at LSU
The most overrated team in America versus the most overrated and hated coach in America. This should be fun.
Tackleberry and his Lassie Wannabes load up Blanks, Copeland, and the rest of the Blue Oyster Bar cheerleaders and head to Red Stick. Jeauxy Swampwater and his Carnival Eats will be bandaging wounds and egos after last week. Maybe he does need professional players.
The lingering headache from White Claw Wednesday wears off in time to win this one.
Patrick’s Loser: Texas A&M by 10
“Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love.”
—1 John 4:18
Patrick’s Loser: Fear
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Patrick is an Auburn man with a deep appreciation for Auburn Sports. Inspired by the nostalgic charm of the classic "Leonard's Losers" from his teenage years, he created "Patrick's Losers" as a modern tribute. Through this playful project, he brings back the fun of game day, engaging with all fanbases while cleverly weaving in his extensive knowledge of 80s pop culture. He can be found on 𝕏 @gameday_south, where he posts more of his awesome